As ya'll know Cuban leader Fidel Castro underwent surgery. This news among others provided fodder for late night comedy.
"President Bush said today that in the event that Castro does die he has a plan in place to show the Cuban people there's a better way than the plan they're currently living under. Hey forget Cuba, how 'bout showing us that plan. I would love to see this plan." --Jay Leno"As you know the elderly Fidel Castro recovering from surgery in Cuba. It was pretty serious. I understand he was rushed to the hospital on Donkey One. A message delivered on Cuban Television today said that Fidel Castro's condition is listed as stable, which in Communist countries means he'll be dead by Friday." --Jay Leno
"Miami's Hispanic population took to the streets last night to celebrate Fidel Castro temporarily stepping down from power. Way to go America! Our plan to slowly deteriorate his health over the course of 50 years is working." --Stephen Colbert
"Cuban dictator Fidel Castro has checked into the hospital and control of the country has been turned over to his brother. He's turned over control of the country to his brother. In a related story control of his beard has been turned over to ZZ Top." --Conan O'Brien
"Now is the time to invade, America. My proposal is controversial but we've invaded for less. Now I know our troops are tied up in Iraq so here's my plan. We harness the regime-destroying power of tourism. First, we send a fleet of Carnival cruise ships stuffed with battle-fattened early-retired middle-management types, their girth easily overpowering the frail bean-fed Cubans. Of course, there's nothing Americans tourists like more than things they can get at home. So in phase two Marine choppers air-drop an outlet mall. Old Navy, Sunglass Hut. Name brands here, maybe a Jamba Juice, Cinnabon. The Cubans will quickly become addicted to the easy American dollar. Communism will fail. And then we can finally allow Cuba to become a valuable trading partner like Communist China. So, here's to freedom and the Havana Applebee's Cubanos. And what better way to celebrate than with a genuine 'Dominican' cigar. I can't wait until this 'Dominican' cigar is legal." --Stephen Colbert
"President Bush had his annual medical exam this week. The doctors said the president remains in excellent health and is fit for duty. In fact so fit today the National Guard called and said 'So how about serving your time now?'. The doctors said his heart rate, blood pressure and cholesterol are all pretty good. The only bad number is his approval rating." --Jay Leno
Our religious wingnuts are up to what now?
Picture Of Aborted Fetus To Be Flown Over ClevelandWhat would Jesus do, you ask, if he were alive and well on Earth today? He'd rent an airplane and terrorize Cleveland with pictures of aborted fetuses. After all, it's much cheaper than feeding the homeless people down below.
As a shock tactic, a national group that opposes abortion plans to fly a billboard-size picture of an aborted fetus over Cleveland beginning Monday.
The Center for Bio-Ethical Reform, which frequently employs such attention-grabbing advertising, hopes to jar people into reconsidering their support of abortion, director Gregg Cunningham said.
He said the banner would be the most graphic picture ever displayed from the air.
"It will be categorically the most shocking we have ever done," he said. "The imagery is so horrifying that I can't almost stand to look at it."Oy!