Witty ads in the London review of books.
These are all extracts from They Call Me Naughty Lola by David Rose, published by Profile Books.
:: I like my women the way I like my kebab. Found by surprise after a drunken night out and covered in too much tahini. Before long I'll have discarded you on the pavement of life, but until then you're the perfect complement to a perfect evening. Man, 32, rarely produces winning metaphors.
:: Your buying me dinner doesn't mean I'll have sex with you. I probably will have sex with you, though. Honesty not an issue with opportunistic male, 38.
:: Not everyone appearing in this column is a deranged cross-dressing sociopath. Let me know if you find one and I'll strangle him with my bra. Man, 56.
:: Are you Kate Bush? Write to obsessive man (36). Note, people who aren't Kate Bush need not respond.
:: Stroganoff. Boysenberry. Frangipani. Words with their origins in people's names. If your name has produced its own entry in the OED then I'll make love to you. If it hasn't, I probably will anyway, but I'll only want you for your body. Man of too few distractions, 32.
:: Ploughing the loneliest furrow. Nineteen personal ads and counting. Only one reply. It was my mother telling me not to forget the bread on my way home from B&Q. Man, 51.
:: Mature gentleman, 62, aged well, noble grey looks, fit and active, sound mind and unfazed by the fickle demands of modern society seeks...damn it, I have to pee again.
:: Slut in the kitchen, chef in the bedroom. Woman with mixed priorities (37) seeks man who can toss a good salad.
:: Bald, short, fat and ugly male, 53, seeks short-sighted woman with tremendous sexual appetite.
:: Romance is dead. So is my mother. Man, 42, inherited wealth.
:: I've divorced better men than you. And worn more expensive shoes than these. So don't think placing this ad is the biggest comedown I've ever had to make. Sensitive F, 34.
:: Employed in publishing? Me too. Stay the hell away. Man on the inside seeks woman on the outside who likes milling around hospitals guessing the illnesses of out-patients. 30-35. Leeds.
New branch in Dutch army, Ladies of the Night
Dutch mayor backed the idea of sending prostitutes to accompany Dutch troops on foreign missions.The Dutch just think different, and how does this help if the soldiers have wives/girlfriends at home? I think it's a stupid idea anyways.
"The army must consider ways its soldiers can let off steam," said Annemarie Jorritsma, mayor of the town of Almere in central Netherlands and a member of the ruling VVD liberals.
"There was once the suggestion that a few Ladies should accompany troops on missions. I think that is something we should talk about," she said, adding that the Ladies would keep soldiers from turning to local women.
Her comments have drawn a mixed response in the Netherlands, renowned for its liberal prostitution laws.
"I don't think my wife would find it a good idea," Wim van den Burg, a spokesman for the military service trade union told Dutch newspaper Volkskrant on Monday.
Bush Administration And Common Sense? Nyah!!!!
The federal government's "no sex without marriage" message isn't just for kids anymore.
Now the government is targeting unmarried adults up to age 29 as part of its abstinence-only programs, which include millions of dollars in federal money that will be available to the states under revised federal grant guidelines for 2007.
The government says the change is a clarification. But critics say it's a clear signal of a more directed policy targeting the sexual behavior of adults."They've stepped over the line of common sense," said James Wagoner, president of Advocates for Youth, a Washington, D.C.-based non-profit that supports sex education. "To be preaching abstinence when 90% of people are having sex is in essence to lose touch with reality. It's an ideological campaign. It has nothing to do with public health.
Pets In Halloween Costumes
Pants..Err..Hats On Fire!!!