No I am not getting all serious or going bananas yet. To those of you who don’t know me, I have a bit of a restless disposition and have always been that way. This does not always manifest itself physically in an obvious way but in my head I have what I sometimes call a cacophony of thoughts going on. I do manage to focus on the things in life that I need to get done in order to lead a productive, fulfilling life. But sometimes you know I gotta let it fly.
This is not at all new, just that I have not always chosen to talk about it. What changed? I won’t go in to all of that. But maybe as a friend said, putting these thoughts down might in a way help get all my ducks lined up in a row. Except that my ducks (a metaphor for my thoughts and whatever that goes on in my head) don’t quite line up in a neat line.
No.. I do not hear voices in my head (keep that straight jacket away will ya?) in case you are wondering. I am currently reading an excellent memoir “Iran Awakening” about the Iranian Nobel prize winner Shirin Ebadi. The principal character has a moment of spiritual epiphany and I wondered why I never experienced something as remarkable or something more prosaic (as befits me). Well if god is speaking to all of us why did he pass me by? It’s not like I wasn’t saying to the god or goddess “I am here..please oh please show me the way “
Clearly I am not among those exalted souls he/she stopped by to save or something…
My parents (bless them both), did a splendid job of trying to make sure I knew all about god and our religion (Hindu by birth.. and not quite sure what I am by choice ..agnostic, atheist, Zen types depending upon where I am at), and concepts of right and wrong.
As a child I remember going to temples. The most exciting part of it was running around on the cool tiled floors and trying to jump up and ring those bells. We don’t wear footwear in temples, but I have no idea why I remember the cool floors. I also don’t recall feeling much, perhaps that is the case with most ppl, but this feeling pretty much continued well in to my teens and adulthood. I did visit temples, churches, Gurudawaras and dargahs which are Sufi shrines built that revere religious figures.
Yes Virginia, Islam has a mystical component! As a religion it is much more layered and nuanced than what some of the idiots in our media give it credit for.
Sorry to digress.. but, I have never felt anything inside and that coupled with my background in the sciences, inherent nature to question things, my skepticism and the desire to not fall under the influence of organized religion contribute in no small measure about how I feel.
Honestly, I can’t answer if I truly have faith in some sort of a god or goddess that sort of has strings they pull that in an incredibly complex cosmic machine. And if we dance to that tune, does that mean we never make any choices and everything in our life is preordained? There are days I suspend this thought and perhaps that is in deference to the benevolent souls that are my parents. I am truly incapable of this on a day in and a day out basis.
The randomness with which events occur around the world and the cruelty with which loved ones get taken away well before their time just deepen my skepticism about their being a higher power. Explain to me what god lets children be raped and abused by some men who claim to speak in his name?
Why are the people of faith quick to blame skeptics and atheists of being the most horrendous ppl to roam the earth, corrupting this place with their temerity to question faith and god? Whilst they wage war in god's name ?
Perhaps there is truth in deism which wikipedia defines as “The belief, based solely on reason, in a God who created the universe and then abandoned it, assuming no control over life, exerting no influence on natural phenomena, and giving no supernatural revelation.. ”
Maybe he saw us pillaging the only home we have and left us to our own devices, which given the way we are at, seems slip sliding on its way to some kind of a dark future with no beginning or end.
But hey we still can shop and watch American Idol or the American Idiot (you know who) eh?
No I am not depressed that’s just me. I will always be this way I guess, it is not like I am not at peace, or don’t have calm. I don’t think the Deepak Chopra brand new agey crap (old eastern spirituality in a new wine bottle) would ever be for me. Sweet oblivion comes to me in the form of sleep.
Don’t get me wrong, I truly respect whatever god you believe in or don’t, but I wonder if any of you ask those questions of yourselves. If you do then what about the fact that you have to take some things purely on faith based on the words in a book or those of a holy man, and little else with no empirical evidence whatsoever? How do you ask your children or yourselves to believe in something that you cannot prove the existence of? Just pure faith?
You don’t have to agree with me you know, toss a few barbs my way, call me a heretic if you like, flame me, tell me I have a special place in perdition, but I would love to know what you all think. Or laugh at me as I know at least one blogger did, cos I was pompously voicing my political opinions. Whatever dude!
And how do I ever resolve any of this.. I don’t, I come up with balderdash like this from the delirious recesses of my mind. Perhaps there is no answer and I will just go about things forever wondering.
Or as someone said to me.. go forth in your life not hurting anyone and giving yourself to those you love and for things that you care for, and don't expect anything in return.
Is that in some religious book?
I try to live by that simple principle whatever you want to call it, and I know you folks probably do too.